"tomorrow was never promised"

30.Jan.2024

Does the quote “tomorrow was never promised” sound cliché to you? Read on and reflect with my hopes that you will be enlightened to live your life everyday while you have the chance ( Carpe diem )

I lost my best friend Anna, over her battle with uterine cancer; In the blink of an eye, life has taken an expected turn, reminding us of its fragility.

April 2023, I was with Anna when she had her laparoscopic hysterectomy in Prime Hospital Dubai; few days after her recovery, the surgeon told us about the nerve-racking news, she has cancer! The staging was never known yet as she had to go for PET CT Scan first.

Despite being overcome with waves of emotion, we tried our best to think reasonably. Days after Anna was discharged from the hospital, we abruptly arranged the visa of her niece, so she can support Anna during her treatment.

July 2023 was her first session of chemo, prior to this, she sends me message saying she would want to join me in my Japan trip, “tol gusto ko sumama sayo sa Japan, pwede ba?”  to which I replied, “maloko ka tol, ide delay mo ba yung chemo mo para maka travel? “ Though I would love to travel with her, the scheduled chemo can’t be put on hold.  I told her to finish her sessions, then we will plan for Europe tour instead 😊

August 2023, at the height of summer in Dubai (which is extremely hot), she asked me if we can go to the beach. I know she would just want to be somewhere else other than the hospital room, but the temperature outside would make her situation worst.

October 2023, we meet up over dinner. She can barely eat. Her stomach got bigger, and she told me that consuming even a little portion of food would make her feel bloated.

1 November 2023, she visited me in the hospital when I had my surgery; that time, I noticed how she lost so much weight; she stayed for like 10 minutes saying she would just want to check if I was okay, and that she felt tired and would want to rest.

Anna’s battle with cancer was marked by countless hospital visits, chemotherapy sessions, and moments of uncertainty. However, she faced her ordeal with an indomitable spirit. Anna, I must say, is a force of nature!

I loved how she would dress up and send me photos of her OOTD (outfit of the day) whilst going to her chemo sessions; she would always put up a brave spirit. 

18 November 2023, I called to check up on her. I told her that I was having some pain too due to my surgery. I suddenly felt desolate whilst talking to her; she uttered ‘at least tol, ikaw magaling ka na. Ako hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko pa kakayanin  lumaban”, to which I replied, tol, me awa ang Dios. Bahala ang Lord sa atin. Sa mga panahon na hindi na natin kaya yung laban, ibigay na lang natin sa Lord.

Our convo was interrupted by her continual coughing; she had to hang up the phone, so I told her that I will be calling again tomorrow.

As soon as I closed the line, I started crying; my heart felt so heavy, and I couldn’t understand why. I immediately called our common friend, Rhosel, and told her to check up on Anna  as I felt something strange.

The feeling that I am about to lose my best friend ☹

19 November 2023 it was a Sunday, so like every single Sunday, I shared the link for online church to Anna so she could attend. I had sent numerous messages to her, but she didn’t respond. She has read all of it, but no response.

After the church service, she finally replied and asked if she could speak to me. Feeling something was odd, I immediately called her.         “Tol, I am going home”;    WHY and WHEN are the only words that came out of my mouth ☹ “ the doctor said that the chemo and radiation is not helping anymore, and that there is nothing they can do , she said.   It hit me so hard that all I could do was break down in tears.

She kept the truth about her cancer stage from me. It was Stage 4 already.

Same day in the afternoon, Rhosel called me so we could go together and visit Anna in her flat. She was surprised as we are, her appearance has changed a lot; her health has deteriorated; her oxygen level is going down and that she would need to travel asap, so she could make it to Philippines.

22 November 2023 Night before her flight, we were in the hotel where she checked in. As promised, I cooked her favorite “sinigang na salmon” where she was able to eat a lot. After her dinner, I sat beside her and encourage her to hold on to her faith; I called our Pastor and prayed for her over the phone.

Though she wouldn’t want people to know about her condition, I insisted on letting our former colleagues and  boss know about her sitch so they could pray for her.

Prayer does really work! Her oxygen level stabilized.

That moment, all I am asking in prayer is that may she able to make it through her 8-hour flight to Philippines.

Before leaving the hotel, I hugged and kiss her in the head, I hold her hand and told her to lift everything to God; and that I would be expecting to see her return to Dubai so we can fulfill her dream to travel to Europe.

As if she knows her appointed time, she told me ‘ baka ikaw na lang tol, e Europe mo na lang ako ha? “then I hug her again and promised that I would message her everyday even she is in the Philippines.

23 November 2023 She was able to make it home.

06 December 2023 She was rushed to the hospital due to difficulty in breathing after which she fell into coma; her mom and brother witnessed how she was fighting to live whilst she was being resuscitated.

07 December 2023

Her brother sent me a message that Anna did not manage to wake up anymore, and that the vitals had dropped.  Immediately, I called her brother and was able to see Anna through videocall; mom and his brother were already crying. Kuya placed the mobile phone near her ear hoping she could still hear me. “Tol, pag hindi na talaga kayang lumaban, pahinga ka na tol. Pahinga ka na.  I broke down in tears as she died.

Everything happened in the span of 8 months ☹ The plans that I had with Anna will no longer come to fruition; the future will never unfold as we planned. 

Anna’s story had me to delve into the significance of embracing the uncertainty of tomorrow and finding joy in the present. Understanding that tomorrow was never guaranteed, it motivates me to seize the things presented to me today; not putting off meeting with loved ones, take a hearty lunch with family, celebrate special occasions, laugh with friends, buy yourself gifts,  and a lot of small things that actually matters.

Her story highlights the importance of appreciating the simple joys in life. Embrace each moment as a gift and prioritize what makes you genuinely happy. 

DO what makes your heart sing ! DO IT NOW !

"LIFE is FRAGILE. We're not guaranteed a Tomorrow, so give it everything you've got."

when GOD didn't fulfill my dream

11 January 2023

When GOD didn’t fulfill my dream

I had my biggest heartbreak back in 1997, when I graduated from University and applied for a cabin crew job in Cebu Pacific. That time, Ceb Pac was just operating with domestic flights as they were just starting.

The day I was called for an interview, I came an hour early and was in a buoyant mood, very expectant to land a job in an airline industry.

I stand 5 foot and 7 inches; was very slim then (haha) and my waistline was only 24 inches; overly confident that I will be selected 😉 This is my dream! I will travel the world! I will become a flight attendant!

Then came this HR lady & started the interview process; barely after 10 minutes of our convo, she told me, “you know Ms. Lim, you look Chinese (dang! isn’t it obvious? ☹ Lim doesn’t sound American 😊😊) and I think, you should try your application with other airlines like Cathay Pacific or Singapore Airlines “and then she closes the interview with “I’m sorry but at this moment we cannot move forward with your application”.

I politely said thank you and left.  I was broken !!!  that sliver of hope within me died.

I was hit so hard by this rejection that I used to hate seeing FAs in the airport; even after years, that scenario still vexed me.

Year 1998 was when I got the chance to experience my first international travel; and from then on, with God’s provision, I was blessed to see many parts of the world.

So, what do I want to share here?  

Oftentimes, we become despondent when life doesn’t work out in the way we had hoped.  We keep forgetting the fact that every individual has a role to play; and to each of us, God has bestowed different favors, different blessings.

I was not able to make it as an FA, but I was blessed with a good career. Maybe God didn’t want me to fly as a crew, but He wanted me to travel as a passenger 😊

Life experiences teaches us immense lessons, out of which I learned 2 great things.

First, trust that God has a plan even when things move in another direction. We don’t know the ways in which God can use us for His glory or work in our lives. We may make our own plans, but God may take us on a more roundabout route. We need to give our broken dreams to God in prayer, let Him know your struggles & pain; let go of them and move forward. Beautiful things happen when you exchange your dreams to God’s plan 😊

Second, be grateful and embrace the life that God has given you. Our life may not be the way we planned, but God can still bring good out of it.  Instead of dwelling on the dreams that didn’t work out for you, try to look at how far God has brought you. Others are blessed, and so are you. Be thankful!

When God didn’t fulfill my dream to become a flight attendant, He gave me instead my heart’s desire to travel. For 47 years, I am greatly blessed, I am highly favored, I am deeply loved.

God had taught me to never be jealous, never be intimidated, never to be in competition, for I GOT MY OWN BLESSINGS 😊

Here's to a joyous celebration of an extended life and more  

To the author of my faith and my life, to GOD be the highest glory!

LORD, I am forever grateful 

when GOD gave me His "Yes" with a " No" :)

"4Forty 5Five years plus 2Two battle scars"

Today, I took courage in facing the big bathroom mirror ; I removed my shirt, carefully examined my stitch and gazed at my reflection in the mirror.  

My whole being was aghast, remembering that 19th of July , where I had to lie down in an operating table; under a general anesthesia and was put to a deep sleep for more than 5 hours.

Opening my eyes, I felt the longing for a family... my family whose presence were not made possible due to closed borders... this yearning would haunt me every night, and would find myself whimpering silently.

Four long days in the hospital room & 50 trying days recuperating from my room in Dubai;  all these days I would simply depend on someone to help me stand, help me bathe , dress and undress me, cook for me and feed me ; had never felt so feeble in my entire life :(

That was my ordeal months ago; NOW was a different story!

1 Corinthians 10:13 says; No trials has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

God had simply answered all my questions as to why I was allowed with this. Over the months, He had blessed me financially ; He has been providing me emotional and spiritual support, by sending countless people to be the extension of His hands; I was able to surpassed those days with fervent prayers from families, friends, colleagues, boss, church mates, pastors and many many people.

He made me go back home and rested for 2 months; I slowed down... learned how to embrace everything with “ acceptance” ; then came 5th of December, He answered my prayers with a -negative CA result ! Indeed , GOD is faithful !

Today, as I stood in front of the mirror, I saw my scars.. my battle scars ! I saw an overcomer ; a fighter ! And this scars will forever remind me of God's faithfulness ; of His many promises in the Bible ; of His words that came to life.

Tomorrow was never promised. We all have our appointed day; that one day when we will have to leave our earthly bodies; but until GOD says so, let us live our lives with purpose; be joyful !

Today, I turned 4Forty and 5Five and alive ! .. with a bonus rank of 2 battle scars !!!

Grateful to the author of my faith and this life ; to GOD be the highest glory and praise !

God's ministry in my vulnerability

I was called yesterday by the doctor 👨‍⚕️ to discuss the result of the final diagnosis 📄 and required treatment. Nope! the result wasn’t favorable and wasn't good at all👎.

I was told to undergo 6-8 sessions of chemotherapy that would cost Dhs 6000 / session + 17 shots of Herceptin that cost Dhs 14,000/ shot + a 5-year oral medication. Translation and conversion, roughly PHP 3.5 to 4 M ..

I am not citing here the amount to ask for donation; just to let you know that GOD will and had provided for me since childhood; so, He will do same ... I am confident 👌about that.

I have been crying since I went out of the hospital, calling my family and friends; just wanted to feel the comfort I needed ...

after some time, I managed to compose myself, went back to the office, then go home and started pouring my heart out. I am devastated, heart broken and all. 

Again, I was crying rivers; scared on the effect of chemotherapy, not knowing if my body would survive it.

pain in the process

 

Finding a way to somehow alleviate the pain on my right arm and shoulder, I headed to a massage parlour which I frequent, and waited for a Kabayan masseuse who is a license physical therapist back home. 

After 20 minutes of waiting, I was told that the Chinese woman will be attending to me, since my Kabayan has been shifted that day to another branch due to a queue of customers (I forgot that it was a Friday ... jam-packed :(

I would want to back out since I was dubious if she could deliver a relaxing massage; she is in her late 50s, short and with tough physique * oh, I might end up being knocked off :(

I followed her in a private room, change my clothes and looked at her. "NO HARD MASSAGE PLEASE" I told her.  I have bone problem and you need to be extra careful.

She just smiled and started with the massage. It was painful that I started groaning. Groaning and complaining actually ...

With her ancient Chinese accent, she told me, "Madam, pain only in the start, only 2 minutes’ pain, after, feeling good. You have to trust me. You want soft massage, for me better, no tired; but for you, no feel good. Your body have too much cold and body tired, need hard massage. Just trust me, okay?

Press here, pull there, twist here and there; whilst gently holding my arms, she whispered to me " maybe little cry only okay? after this, you will feel very good.

Huh, little cry? this time, I mimicked her accent so she could better understand that I do not concur to what she wanted to do. Minutes of convincing, I wouldn't want to go home feeling the same pain, so I trusted her and let her continue.

I tried my VERY BEST to endure the pain. It was painful at the start, but soothing whilst in process.

True to her words, what seems like a stab on my muscles before, feels like a healing touch now... so therapeutic and restoring.

She saw me become placid; whispered to me while smiling ' I told you after no pain, you have to trust me. I do good for you". 

I ended up feeling rejuvenated. 

This scenario reminds me of our journey in this life and in our Christian faith too. We were subjected to problems (lots of it), pain, heartaches, struggles, financial worries, and a lot lot more. Oftentimes, when faced with discomfort or in distress; we’d love resorting to an easy way out.... sort of an  instant relief. 

We hate the process; we hate the twist and pull; the push and the little cry; worst of it, we rely on ourselves; we keep resisting the "ONE" who keeps telling us that " you have to trust ME".

More than what the masseuse can do, God , in all His supremacy knows even the number of your hair in your head ( Matthew 10:30) , so HE exactly knows what is BEST for you! 

The best solution for every problem, the greatest cure for every illness, the perfect timing for everything about you, HE got it covered!

There may be pain in the process,  but once we learn to submit ourselves in full trust , only then we can experience perfect restoration. Trust God when He said, " I will do good for you" ..

Just "let go" and "let GOD" .....

 

 

be free , be blessed and be happy ....

Everyday, on my way home from work, I would always see this old woman ( barely in her late 60's) seated in a wheelchair, being cared for by a professional minder, whilst she stares at people and vehicles passing by. 

finding the love i deserve...

a woman after God's own heart

Talking to my mom via Skype, she shared to me her story of how God had kept her unharmed during an accident that took place inside the church in LA.

One Sunday morning, while she was attending the church service with my eldest sister;  young people from the church went running wildly after getting scared from some Halloween presentation; my mom , being old and had lost her agility due to her age, was swept and thrown away outside the church. 

As she continue, she was in awe of God's divine protection upon her as she could not even recall how she was swept outside;  her exact description was, it felt like some arms had carried her outside .  Without any doubt, she knew that it was God who had kept her safe and sound.

When she  opened her eyes, she found herself on the pavement ,surrounded by rescuers and was lifted immediately to the ambulatory van.

The following day, she was discharged from the hospital without any fracture and all medical results turned out well.

Today, as she celebrates her 77th birthday, I was reminded of how  she has been using stories and testimonies such as this to minister to other people and to her children. 

Her own life has been a living testimony of how God can turn your life from nothing into something beautiful.

Being a single parent, we had witnessed how she had been both emotionally & spiritually strong as she raised her 7 children; braving life's challenges , she had hold fast to her faith , the only thing that makes her hope alive.

She may not have raised us having all the comfort in this life, but bringing us to faith is something that we will be forever grateful for. 

At 77,  she still wakes up early and start her day with bible reading, raising her hands,  sing praise songs and end up with a prayer. 

At 77, she is a picture of  a woman whose  life is fully surrendered to God; blessed with a contented heart and a humble spirit. 

At 77, I look up to her as a person whose strength is beyond her age; a mother whose words are so comforting & uplifting, a christian whose faith is unwavering. 

Today, as God had blessed her with an added year in her life, we speak all the blessings that she deserve. 

Mama, this blog is for you :) Know that we are grateful to God for your life. You are indeed a woman after God's own heart. 

Happiest Birthday to you Mama Lydia....

    

saving Brother Ryan ...

loving the unlovable...

---

Browsing thru my FB account, I could see most of the pages jam-packed with diverse promotions for perfect dining places, gift ideas & getaway suggestions; all in preparation for   Valentine's Day...

Over the years,what used to be a day celebrated by western, has now become a universal phenomena & something being observed across the globe.

For some , they see this day as an opportunity to propose for a lifetime commitment, a perfect day for wedding, a dining out day for families ; a romantic day for couple, lovers, partners , whatever their label maybe; whilst those who are single still find a way to share this day with friends , even take chances with a meet up date :) ... It is basically celebrating with people whom you love, people that matters to you and those whom you are fond of, those whom we consider as "lovable".

 More than a decade ago, there was one topic in the Sunday preaching of Bishop Louie Santos which is still vivid on my mind up to this moment; it was entitled "loving the unlovable" ; and while writing this, I became melancholic with the realization of man's worldly perception of love - "to love those who love you" ; a "love begets love" thing.

Often we find it easy to display love, because we felt love too; so easy for us to give, because we first received;  but how do we treat those who wronged us? those who caused us pain? 

Sadly, even Christians nowadays are guilty of this practice; we are busy loving the "lovable" and leaving behind the "unlovable"...    selfish and meaningless in nature

Though I may not be well versed with the Bible, I was astonished upon learning that 2 different books in the Bible has actually the same message:

Matthew 5:46           

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

Luke 6:32                 

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.

With this,  my prayer tonight be, that may all of us be challenged to change our view of celebrating heart's day; to go beyond our usual comfort zones & our old ways; may we start to reach out , dine with , spend time & talk with people who has trespass and offended us; may we , with God's help , find in our hearts,  the desire to love the unlovable.

"Love people even when they are being unlovable. They usually need your love most in those moments when they deserve it least " - Dave Willis

grateful for "life's simplest" @41

Few weeks back, I was in amazement as I watched my best friend Lyn, while she feasts over a plate of rice, fried fish and a bowl of boiled instant noodles ( galunggong and a pack of nissin ramen it was) ; she was so contented of what she was eating that she kept on blurting out " ummmm.. grabe vaks, sobrang sarap" from time to time ..     thing that she don't usually do when we were eating out and indulging ourselves with extravagant meals.

Seeing this, I was once reminded that it is the simple things in life that makes one happy -,  a comfy home;  good food and be surrounded with people whom you love most.

The older we get, the more we realize that we just need simple things in our lives;  yeah, "everything that is basic  & plain and simple".. 

For the past years, I used to kneel down for a prayer to be answered, but after the countless failures, I have instead chose to pray for God to give me a heart that understands and accepts defeat. 

Today, as I turned 41 , I chose to be grateful for an added year & prayed for those who are battling for their lives.

I chose to be thankful for all the unmerited favor from God & prayed for those who struggle to make both ends meet.

I chose to rejoice for the feeling of being loved, blessed & favored and prayed for those who feel empty.

From today onwards, I will choose to find joy in all the life's little & simplest blessings, for they are the real ones after all.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

"Enjoy the little things in life,  for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things" .    

BlogSpot: http://myhelenaspeaks.mozello.com 

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all is vanity

a convo worth sharing .. 

One afternoon, I was offered by a friend for a ride going home. While driving , he started the conversation with this exact words :  "their biggest mistake is that they rely on promises made by man ; instead they should hold on to the promises of God who is capable of blessing us. We should trust and pray to God only" , this he uttered while referring to a failed negotiation for one of the biggest project between a client and a boss during the time that the company was financially challenged. 

I was astonished whilst I was listening to him because it is the first time i have heard him speak about God; he was not a Christian after all.  From that conversation, I could sense that God was trying to speak to me through him.

As he continues, he shared to me his life when he was still working in Saudi. He was in a top position and earning well. Being a family man, he would work hard to earn money . Working for years without taking vacation and seeing his family only via Skype, staying late in the office , skipping meals, etc.

This was his routine for years and he succeeded in earning himself and his family a good future.. nice and comfortable house, savings, cars, furniture, and all material things that you could dream of. 

After years of drudging and saving enough , he finally decided to return to his home country to be with his family.   

After years of being home, he was able to put up a business; life was up and doing very well; not until they learned that he has cancer, and worst , his only daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. She was 3 years old then. 

Listening to him, I was drowning with so much emotions ; seeing my face, he told me, it was not the worst part yet Helen, it wasn't.  

He continued... months passed, we are battling with cancer and leukemia, before reaching home, people were running, rushing towards different directions, yelling and screaming like crazy, authorities shouting at people to hide and secure themselves; then they heard a very loud noise... it was a bomb attacked!  Several bombs exploded .

They had the greatest shock of their lives as soon as they got home; nope, not inside their home, in front of the remnants of their house and their car. Yes, their house was bombed and it was all ashes when they reached their place.

All his revelations brought me back to the story of JOB, his trials and his anguish .

Fast forwarding the story, he lost everything, but not his family. He suffered emotionally and financially for years. He prayed, he persevered, begged for help and was able to get a good job in UAE. Now he is here with his family, his cancer cured, his daughter's leukemia healed. 

His conclusion was " I have been through a lot, it was like hell with all the trials that I had; but one thing I learned, all material things does not matter. IT DOES NOT MATTER!!  I worked a lot , compromised my health for money and good things, but with one bomb, I lost everything. Everything including my health! 

I prayed and God healed us, only God was there when nobody was. I lost everything but not God. 

Now, I am working, not to build big house, but only for a good shelter, not for the future, but i am living for the present time. I told God, everything is own by Him, if I die, i would not worry of my family, God will give somebody to take care of them; if He would take my daughter, then so be it, we belong to God, after all, we will all go to Him. If he will take everything from me, I am not afraid, it is God who take, it is also Him who give. " 

Before I get off, I thanked him for trusting me with his story..  a story that once reminded me , that everything is vanity..

*Ecclesiastes 1:1-4

1 the words of the preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem. 2 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher, all is vanity. 3  what profit hath a man of all his labor which he taketh under the sun? 4 one generation passeth away and another generation cometh; but the earth abideth forever.

when HE says "NO"

3 weeks back when I attended the Bible study in Gonzales’ house., I remember having to pull myself together just to make it there b/c I was dead tired .

The topic was basically for the beginners, for new believers , those whom we considered as ” Baby Christians”….

My thought of not attending the BS that particular night just because I have heard the topic for a countless time was wrong… I was totally wrong..

God’s words are simply timeless  & has fresh revelations every now and then; and His message would always be “personalized”  :)

Wrapping up the topic, Bro Leo shared his struggles as a new believer.,  his prayer being unanswered made him question if God is listening., and why would not God answer his prayers when in fact it is not for him, it is a prayer for a friend.  “Does God cares” ?   ” Lord, can you hear me” ? …  Questions that when left unanswered , would prompt us to grow cold in faith .

Upon hearing this, I was moved to speak .  I’ve been a Christian for more than a decade., I’ve been in the ministry for many years and had been serving God since I was young .. and compared to a new believer , my thinking was , I should have more privileges from God.., that I should be enjoying perquisites from God for running more than a decade in faith., that His answers to all my prayer should be according to my heart’s desire & time frame…

But the truth is that, even as an old believer, there are times when I have been turned down, discouraged & disappointed. I had my fair share of God’s “NO”

There have been times when I asked, He would say “NO”     An answer that I considered as ” unacceptable” & “heartbreaking” but would later turn out to be the best answer I ever had

Christian life is not all about prayers that are answered., it is not about God saying “YES” to all your petitions and request., it is not about having response which are favorable to you… rather, it is about trusting God to work His way in your life .. it is about knowing God’s ways are far better & higher than our ways… It is about believing that God knows what is suited for us .

when HE says “NO” , HE does not intend to turn you down., HE does not mean to discourage you… HE is simply telling you this: ” I HAVE THE BEST ANSWER FOR YOU”….

So keep in mind, the next time that you’ll be praying for something and when HE says “NO” ., trust Him still, for He knows better…. Remember, HE is GOD ..

 

Isaiah 55:8-9 ( KJV)                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

8 For My thought are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts…

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blessings in brokenness

seeing myself in awe of God’s grace amidst brokenness and weariness of waiting, made me reflect on this wonderful preaching . Trust God that He will not allow us to be crushed without the promise of being made whole again…

sharing with you some highlights & reflections of the preaching..  Read on and be blessed…

” like a jar when broken , it exposed what is inside “ –  we as human, are so vulnerable. When we are hurt, in pain, in distress and are broken hearted, what is inside us can be seen by God., our weaknesses, struggles and every little thing which we try to keep inside. God allows brokenness for us to open up our hearts, to humble ourselves before Him and acknowledge that only God can heal our broken heart. He wants us to bring our brokenness to Him.

 ” like a jar when broken , it is being crushed to make a new jar ” –  You can never apply an adhesive to a broken jar to make it whole again., just like the jar, God allows us to be crushed further even after we are being badly broken. He allows us to be crushed when He sees that there are still parts of us that remain unbroken., when He sees that we still have this reservations in our hearts, when we remain stubborn, when we keep on pretending that we can make it on our own. He wants us to be crushed so He can make us new again., for Him to give us a renewed heart.

“brokenness can lead to wholeness, only if we trust our hearts and lives to God” …

Psalm 147:3  

for He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

What happens in AUS, won’t stay in AUS… I’ll take them with me…

This is one of those sleepless nights that I had back when I was in Sydney., the difference is that I was on the plane now heading to Bangkok to spend 16 hours before I would finally be flying to Dubai. I still couldn’t believe that my 5 months of stay in Sydney was over  **sigh****  how time flies …

While on board, I kept staring at the photo of my pretty little Bucheekins on my phone..how I remember  her calling me “Titam” and telling me “labyu” with a kiss and a sound of “ummmwahhh” everytime I would bathe her.  I remember how she would held my hand and drag me in front of the fridge and she would tell me “open” so she could get her “akult”          ( Yakult ), I loved watching her finish it in less than a minute and she would be standing in front of the fridge to get another one.

She is a darling. She has been my walking buddy., my everyday playmate and  my greatest rival in eating fries @ Mc Donalds …. I am terribly missing her  ;( 

I’ll be missing the feeling of tranquility while sitting in front of the harbor ( Darling Harbor) and watched the boats and the yacht moved while Bucheek kept running after the birds .  How I wish that we live near the city so I could have gone there more often and enjoy the serenity of the place .

I’ll be missing my favorite Thai Tucka  and the Lebanese, Vietnamese, Japanese & Korean restaurant as well.  I would miss going to Woolies, DFO, Birkinhead , East wood and of course, St Ives ..   I will me missing each and every corner of the house in Mona Vale L ( my sweet  home for 5 mos. )

I’ll be missing the luxury of having the opportunity to spend  time playing with Bucheek, eating out, relaxing, partying , blogging, chatting with those special people in my life and enjoying life to the fullest…  how I would miss singing in videoke with a complete surround system L  yiiihhaaa… thank you anya Marc ….you are my singing buddy..

I always remember every morning that we would eat breakfast together,, how we would spend time just lying in bed and chit chatting ; how we would spend time gardening , buying new plants every weekend and the fun of planting tomatoes, chili, curry etc .

These memories are simply priceless… so priceless that everything that happens in AUS won’t stay in AUS., I have taken them with me  ……

lessons in the desert

”  HIS words are timely ”                                        

Yesterday’s  preaching by  Rev Mike Pilavachi  ( British guest speaker @ Hillsong Church)  has been a great encouragement & reminder to me, just in time before I fly back to Dubai

3 LESSONS IN THE DESERT:

1.   Lesson of Humility in the Desert   ( Deuteronomy 8:2)

God takes us to the desert to humble and test us, to know what is in our hearts, to know  whether or not we would follow and keep His commands. He allows us to be humiliated when we think too high of ourselves,when we became proud of what we have and what we had achieved instead of giving back the glory to Him.,  for us to keep our feet on the ground. He humbles us as preparation before He uses us., to use us in a great and higher calling. He takes us to the desert to remind us that life without Him would be as dry,lonely and empty as a desert.

2.    Lesson of Gratitude in the Desert  ( Deuteronomy 8:10)

God takes us to the desert for us to know the sacredness of praising and thanksgivingwhen life hurts.  It is having the “attitude of gratitude” when things are not going well, when life becomes uneasy and difficult. He allows us to be in the desert for us to value what we presently have, to be thankful if we don’t always seem to have what we wanted, to praise God even after we have been badly hurt and oppressed.,    to remind us that we once have been to the desert where there is nothing but sand, heat and silence , for us to have a heart that trust despite of all the odds & the trials that we are facing.

3.    Lesson of Listening in the Desert ( Hosea 2:14)

God takes us to the desert when He wanted to speak to us so badly :(  , when we have been so busy listening to the world., when He wanted undivided attention , for us to be able to hear nothing but His voice.

In the desert, He takes us back to His attention., He captures our hearts to remind us that it is He who first loved us, that He would want us to know of His great plan for us., He takes us there to allure us and to take us deeper into His heart., for us to go back to our first love… and that is God ….

God has been faithful in our lives… He has been with us through every storm…. He will be with us in the desert ..

room lighters

 Chatting with a dear friend last Thursday afternoon reminded me of the devotion topic that we had back when I was working in Manila., it was entitled ” room lighters“ ..
It was a short but straight conversation., no questions asked., though each word would cut deep in my heart, I felt the sincerity and concern.

People make decisions that maybe painful at the start, but would later turn out good for all. Can’t believe how many times I’ve been knocked down by life’s hardships & how many difficult situations  I’ve been through ., some things are even hard to understand., but this person was right in saying that, I never had to defend myself to anyone, specially to those people who knew what I’ve done but not what I’ve been through….

This person’s last few words matters the most.. “stay strong” , ” pray hard” , “humble yourself” and “thank God who has been with you through all this trials”…

This blog is for you. Thank you for being a room lighter .. for being the kind of person that anybody would appreciate having & being with.. Thank you for having that special heart that listens.. Thank you for the genuine friendship… I’ll see you very soon...

a better year, a better me ..

31.12.2012….   while waiting for the clock to finally hit 12midnight , I was trying to recall everything that happened in my life .. many things didn’t turn out well , I  had my share of failures and pain, been through a lot of “test of faith” , faced many giants & fought many battles.  Two words to describe 2012,   ” TOUGH YE AR !!! ” it was..

Trials & struggles may seem endless at times, but thinking about how I was able to make it through another year makes me stand in awe of God’s never ending mercy & grace. And as I pray, my whole being was brought back to the countless times when God has uplifted me when i failed, healed me when i’m in pain, walked with me through my journey, had been my hiding place , supplied my needs and loved me unconditionally.  Yes,  2012 may have been a tough year for me, but I was  once reminded that I have the toughest God , and with this, my heart will be at peace .

As  the year 2013 starts, it brings new hope and renewed assurance, that no matter how difficult the trials may be, just like the previous years , I’ll survive.  I’ll keep living and will never stop believing. I will be strong and will try hard to carry on . I will keep on hoping as my knees will be bended in praying….

 This is my heart’s desire…  a better year… a better ME