myhelenaspeaks.... feel.think.speak - Blog

the Answer that Hurts, but Heals

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 13:08:00 +0000

There’s a unique kind of pain that comes when the door you prayed for, begged for, even fasted for, stays shut.

You trusted. You believed. You waited. And then the answer comes, but it’s not the “Yes” you were hoping for. It’s a firm, unmistakable “No.”

God’s “NO” can sting deeper than any human rejection, because it’s not just a plan that’s falling apart ; it’s your heart that feels turned inside out. It’s the relationship you thought He was preparing for you. It’s the opportunity you thought He was leading you to. It’s the healing you prayed would happen now but didn’t. And in that moment, it feels like your faith is bleeding.

But here’s the truth that time and tears slowly teach us:
God’s “NO” is not rejection ; it’s redirection.
It’s not cruelty ; it’s protection.
It’s not the end of the story ; it’s a chapter that had to close for a better one to be written.

We often want to see His reasons before we trust Him. But faith works the other way around. You trust first, then the reasons start to unfold. Sometimes years later. Sometimes only in eternity.

When God says “No,” He’s not punishing you. He’s guarding you from lesser things, hidden dangers, and paths that would harm more than help. His “No” is still soaked in love. It’s the kind of love that refuses to give you what you want because He knows it would cost you what you need.

So if you’re standing in the aftermath of a prayer that was answered with a “No” , cry! .

Mourn what you thought would be. Let yourself feel the hurt. But don’t stop there. Place that closed door in His hands, and ask Him for the grace to believe that there’s something far better waiting ; something you can’t yet imagine.

Because one day, you’ll look back and say, “Thank You, God, for that ‘No.’ It hurt me then, but it saved me in ways I couldn’t see.”

"tomorrow was never promised"

Tue, 30 Jan 2024 16:42:00 +0000

30.Jan.2024

Does the quote “tomorrow was never promised” sound cliché to you? Read on and reflect with my hopes that you will be enlightened to live your life everyday while you have the chance ( Carpe diem )

I lost my best friend Anna, over her battle with uterine cancer; In the blink of an eye, life has taken an expected turn, reminding us of its fragility.

April 2023, I was with Anna when she had her laparoscopic hysterectomy in Prime Hospital Dubai; few days after her recovery, the surgeon told us about the nerve-racking news, she has cancer! The staging was never known as she had to go for PET CT Scan yet.

Despite being overcome with waves of emotion, we tried our best to think reasonably. Days after Anna was discharged from the hospital, we abruptly arranged the visa of her niece, so she can support Anna during her treatment.

July 2023 was her first session of chemo, prior to this, she sends me message saying she would want to join me in my Japan trip, “tol gusto ko sumama sayo sa Japan, pwede ba?” to which I replied, “maloko ka tol, ide delay mo ba yung chemo mo para maka travel? “ Though I would love to travel with her, the scheduled chemo can’t be put on hold. I told her to finish her sessions, then we will plan for Europe tour instead 😊

August 2023, at the height of summer in Dubai (which is extremely hot), she asked me if we can go to the beach. I know she would just want to be somewhere else other than the hospital room, but the temperature outside would make her situation worst.

October 2023, we meet up over dinner. She can barely eat. Her stomach got bigger, and she told me that consuming even a little portion of food would make her feel bloated.

1 November 2023, she visited me in the hospital when I had my surgery; that time, I noticed how she lost so much weight; she stayed for like 10 minutes saying she would just want to check if I was okay, and that she felt tired and would want to rest.

Anna’s battle with cancer was marked by countless hospital visits, chemotherapy sessions, and moments of uncertainty. However, she faced her ordeal with an indomitable spirit. Anna, I must say, is a force of nature!

I loved how she would dress up and send me photos of her OOTD (outfit of the day) whilst going to her chemo sessions; she would always put up a brave spirit.

18 November 2023, I called to check up on her. I told her that I was having some pain too due to my surgery. I suddenly felt desolate whilst talking to her; she uttered ‘at least tol, ikaw magaling ka na. Ako hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko pa kakayanin lumaban”, to which I replied, tol, me awa ang Dios. Bahala ang Lord sa atin. Sa mga panahon na hindi na natin kaya yung laban, ibigay na lang natin sa Lord.

Our convo was interrupted by her continual coughing; she had to hang up the phone, so I told her that I will be calling again tomorrow.

As soon as I closed the line, I started crying; my heart felt so heavy, and I couldn’t understand why. I immediately called our common friend, Rhosel, and told her to check up on Anna as I felt something strange.

The feeling that I am about to lose my best friend ☹

19 November 2023 it was a Sunday, so like every single Sunday, I shared the link for online church to Anna so she could attend. I had sent numerous messages to her, but she didn’t respond. She has read all of it, but no response.

After the church service, she finally replied and asked if she could speak to me. Feeling something was odd, I immediately called her. “Tol, I am going home”; WHY and WHEN are the only words that came out of my mouth ☹ “ the doctor said that the chemo and radiation is not helping anymore, and that there is nothing they can do , she said. It hit me so hard that all I could do was break down in tears.

She kept the truth about her cancer stage from me. It was Stage 4 already.

Same day in the afternoon, Rhosel called me so we could go together and visit Anna in her flat. She was surprised as we are, her appearance has changed a lot; her health has deteriorated; her oxygen level is going down and that she would need to travel asap, so she could make it to Philippines.

22 November 2023 Night before her flight, we were in the hotel where she checked in. As promised, I cooked her favorite “sinigang na salmon” where she was able to eat a lot. After her dinner, I sat beside her and encourage her to hold on to her faith; I called our Pastor and prayed for her over the phone.

Though she wouldn’t want people to know about her condition, I insisted on letting our former colleagues and boss know about her sitch so they could pray for her.

Prayer does really work! Her oxygen level stabilized.

That moment, all I am asking in prayer is that may she able to make it through her 8-hour flight to Philippines.

Before leaving the hotel, I hugged and kiss her in the head, I hold her hand and told her to lift everything to God; and that I would be expecting to see her return to Dubai so we can fulfill her dream to travel to Europe.

As if she knows her appointed time, she told me ‘ baka ikaw na lang tol, e Europe mo na lang ako ha? “then I hug her again and promised that I would message her everyday even she is in the Philippines.

23 November 2023 She was able to make it home.

06 December 2023 She was rushed to the hospital due to difficulty in breathing after which she fell into coma; her mom and brother witnessed how she was fighting to live whilst she was being resuscitated.

07 December 2023

Her brother sent me a message that Anna did not manage to wake up anymore, and that the vitals had dropped. Immediately, I called her brother and was able to see Anna through videocall; mom and his brother were already crying. Kuya placed the mobile phone near her ear hoping she could still hear me. “Tol, pag hindi na talaga kayang lumaban, pahinga ka na tol. Pahinga ka na. I broke down in tears as she died.

Everything happened in the span of 8 months ☹ The plans that I had with Anna will no longer come to fruition; the future will never unfold as we planned.

Anna’s story had me to delve into the significance of embracing the uncertainty of tomorrow and finding joy in the present. Understanding that tomorrow was never guaranteed, it motivates me to seize the things presented to me today; not putting off meeting with loved ones, take a hearty lunch with family, celebrate special occasions, laugh with friends, buy yourself gifts, and a lot of small things that actually matters.

Her story highlights the importance of appreciating the simple joys in life. Embrace each moment as a gift and prioritize what makes you genuinely happy.

DO what makes your heart sing ! DO IT NOW !

"LIFE is FRAGILE. We're not guaranteed a Tomorrow, so give it everything you've got."

when GOD didn't fulfill my dream

Mon, 02 Jan 2023 11:26:00 +0000

11 January 2023

When GOD didn’t fulfill my dream

I had my biggest heartbreak back in 1997, when I graduated from University and applied for a cabin crew job in Cebu Pacific. That time, Ceb Pac was just operating with domestic flights as they were just starting.

The day I was called for an interview, I came an hour early and was in a buoyant mood, very expectant to land a job in an airline industry.

I stand 5 foot and 7 inches; was very slim then (haha) and my waistline was only 24 inches; overly confident that I will be selected 😉 This is my dream! I will travel the world! I will become a flight attendant!

Then came this HR lady & started the interview process; barely after 10 minutes of our convo, she told me, “you know Ms. Lim, you look Chinese (dang! isn’t it obvious? ☹ Lim doesn’t sound American 😊😊) and I think, you should try your application with other airlines like Cathay Pacific or Singapore Airlines “and then she closes the interview with “I’m sorry but at this moment we cannot move forward with your application”.

I politely said thank you and left. I was broken !!! that sliver of hope within me died.

I was hit so hard by this rejection that I used to hate seeing FAs in the airport; even after years, that scenario still vexed me.

Year 1998 was when I got the chance to experience my first international travel; and from then on, with God’s provision, I was blessed to see many parts of the world.

So, what do I want to share here?

Oftentimes, we become despondent when life doesn’t work out in the way we had hoped. We keep forgetting the fact that every individual has a role to play; and to each of us, God has bestowed different favors, different blessings.

I was not able to make it as an FA, but I was blessed with a good career. Maybe God didn’t want me to fly as a crew, but He wanted me to travel as a passenger 😊

Life experiences teaches us immense lessons, out of which I learned 2 great things.

First, trust that God has a plan even when things move in another direction. We don’t know the ways in which God can use us for His glory or work in our lives. We may make our own plans, but God may take us on a more roundabout route. We need to give our broken dreams to God in prayer, let Him know your struggles & pain; let go of them and move forward. Beautiful things happen when you exchange your dreams to God’s plan 😊

Second, be grateful and embrace the life that God has given you. Our life may not be the way we planned, but God can still bring good out of it. Instead of dwelling on the dreams that didn’t work out for you, try to look at how far God has brought you. Others are blessed, and so are you. Be thankful!

When God didn’t fulfill my dream to become a flight attendant, He gave me instead my heart’s desire to travel. For 47 years, I am greatly blessed, I am highly favored, I am deeply loved.

God had taught me to never be jealous, never be intimidated, never to be in competition, for I GOT MY OWN BLESSINGS 😊

Here's to a joyous celebration of an extended life and more

To the author of my faith and my life, to GOD be the highest glory!

LORD, I am forever grateful

when GOD gave me His "Yes" with a " No" :)

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 07:10:00 +0000

JULY 19: exactly a year ago from today, I remember being prep by the nurse for my mastectomy. I was crying rivers then, scared and helpless.

At the height of the pandemic last year, when everyone else was fighting covid-19, I was battling with breast cancer. Closed borders, zero family, and a 5 hour surgery to survive.

A year ago, all I could see then was my pain, my being ill and a battle whose victory is unknown.

Today, 19th JULY 2021 , God made a twist in my story.

He made me witnessed a miracle & allowed me to experienced His never -fading promises ; and that is the gift of HEALING ...

Today, God made me recalled not the pain, but of His love and goodness that overflows ; He removed the thought that I was fighting alone & was now beyond grateful for being backed up by thousands and thousands of people who lifted me up in their fervent prayers .

Today was being accounted for as an added 365 days of God's favor over me.

Today is a celebration of life and victory over the small "c", triumphed by a BIG GOD .

Today, my heart rejoices as He gave me a "YES" with a "NO" result ( Yes, its a -negative PET CT Scan result ! )

Today, my heart and my whole being overflows ...

To the author of this life ; to GOD be the highest glory !

#salamatAma #Godisfaithful #Hewhopromiseisfaithful # beyondblessed

"4Forty 5Five years plus 2Two battle scars"

Mon, 11 Jan 2021 14:11:00 +0000

Today, I took courage in facing the big bathroom mirror ; I removed my shirt, carefully examined my stitch and gazed at my reflection in the mirror.

For months, I have been avoiding mirrors ( it may sound overly dramatic, but not to those who had undergone mastectomy) .

I can still remember the first time I accidentally saw those incisions; I started crying and shaking.. depressing would be an understatement to delineate my feeling that very moment. It took me back to that day when I was diagnosed with breast cancer....

to the time where all I could do was ask God "why"? , the time all I could ever do was cry and pray, and continuously seek solace ; to that time I had to endure all the tests, the pricking of needles

and the drawing of blood.

My whole being was aghast, remembering that 19th of July , where I had to lie down in an operating table; under a general anesthesia and was put to a deep sleep for more than 5 hours.

Opening my eyes, I felt the longing for a family... my family whose presence were not made possible due to closed borders... this yearning would haunt me every night, and would find myself whimpering silently.

Four long days in the hospital room & 50 trying days recuperating from my room in Dubai; all these days I would simply depend on someone to help me stand, help me bathe , dress and undress me, cook for me and feed me ; had never felt so feeble in my entire life :(

That was my ordeal months ago; NOW was a different story!

1 Corinthians 10:13 says; No trials has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

God had simply answered all my questions as to why I was allowed with this. Over the months, He had blessed me financially ; He has been providing me emotional and spiritual support, by sending countless people to be the extension of His hands; I was able to surpassed those days with fervent prayers from families, friends, colleagues, boss, church mates, pastors and many many people.

He made me go back home and rested for 2 months; I slowed down... learned how to embrace everything with “ acceptance” ; then came 5th of December, He answered my prayers with a -negative CA result ! Indeed , GOD is faithful !

Today, as I stood in front of the mirror, I saw my scars.. my battle scars ! I saw an overcomer ; a fighter ! And this scars will forever remind me of God's faithfulness ; of His many promises in the Bible ; of His words that came to life.

Tomorrow was never promised. We all have our appointed day; that one day when we will have to leave our earthly bodies; but until GOD says so, let us live our lives with purpose; be joyful !

Today, I turned 4Forty and 5Five and alive ! .. with a bonus rank of 2 battle scars !!!

Grateful to the author of my faith and this life ; to GOD be the highest glory and praise !

God's ministry in my vulnerability

Thu, 20 Aug 2020 10:50:00 +0000

I was called yesterday by the doctor 👨‍⚕️ to discuss the result of the final diagnosis 📄 and required treatment. Nope! the result wasn’t favorable and wasn't good at all👎.

I was told to undergo 6-8 sessions of chemotherapy that would cost Dhs 6000 / session + 17 shots of Herceptin that cost Dhs 14,000/ shot + a 5-year oral medication. Translation and conversion, roughly PHP 3.5 to 4 M ..

I am not citing here the amount to ask for donation; just to let you know that GOD will and had provided for me since childhood; so, He will do same ... I am confident 👌about that.

I have been crying since I went out of the hospital, calling my family and friends; just wanted to feel the comfort I needed ...

after some time, I managed to compose myself, went back to the office, then go home and started pouring my heart out. I am devastated, heart broken and all.

Again, I was crying rivers; scared on the effect of chemotherapy, not knowing if my body would survive it.

"bakit ako Lord? bakit kelangan ako? ❓❓❓ (why me? why it has to be me?) ... and mind you, it hurts me so much that God was so quiet.

Today, I prayed... GOD, it’s either you heal me, or you let me die… whatever it is, BAHALA KA NA!Until this time, I didn't have the answers... but what He had put in my heart ❤️is a brand-new hope! a promise! that whatever I am going through, HE is in control.

This is the prayer of someone who is uncertain of what will happen, but whose heart is now fully dependent on Him.

Trusting GOD to minister in my vulnerability. Whatever HIS purpose, let it be. 🙇‍♀️🙏

2 Timothy 1;12 " I know whom I have believed ; and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

pain in the process

Sat, 19 Oct 2019 05:04:00 +0000

Finding a way to somehow alleviate the pain on my right arm and shoulder, I headed to a massage parlour which I frequent, and waited for a Kabayan masseuse who is a license physical therapist back home.

After 20 minutes of waiting, I was told that the Chinese woman will be attending to me, since my Kabayan has been shifted that day to another branch due to a queue of customers (I forgot that it was a Friday ... jam-packed :(

I would want to back out since I was dubious if she could deliver a relaxing massage; she is in her late 50s, short and with tough physique * oh, I might end up being knocked off :(

I followed her in a private room, change my clothes and looked at her. "NO HARD MASSAGE PLEASE" I told her. I have bone problem and you need to be extra careful.

She just smiled and started with the massage. It was painful that I started groaning. Groaning and complaining actually ...

With her ancient Chinese accent, she told me, "Madam, pain only in the start, only 2 minutes’ pain, after, feeling good. You have to trust me. You want soft massage, for me better, no tired; but for you, no feel good. Your body have too much cold and body tired, need hard massage. Just trust me, okay?

Press here, pull there, twist here and there; whilst gently holding my arms, she whispered to me " maybe little cry only okay? after this, you will feel very good.

Huh, little cry? this time, I mimicked her accent so she could better understand that I do not concur to what she wanted to do. Minutes of convincing, I wouldn't want to go home feeling the same pain, so I trusted her and let her continue.

I tried my VERY BEST to endure the pain. It was painful at the start, but soothing whilst in process.

True to her words, what seems like a stab on my muscles before, feels like a healing touch now... so therapeutic and restoring.

She saw me become placid; whispered to me while smiling ' I told you after no pain, you have to trust me. I do good for you".

I ended up feeling rejuvenated.

This scenario reminds me of our journey in this life and in our Christian faith too. We were subjected to problems (lots of it), pain, heartaches, struggles, financial worries, and a lot lot more. Oftentimes, when faced with discomfort or in distress; we’d love resorting to an easy way out.... sort of an instant relief.

We hate the process; we hate the twist and pull; the push and the little cry; worst of it, we rely on ourselves; we keep resisting the "ONE" who keeps telling us that " you have to trust ME".

More than what the masseuse can do, God , in all His supremacy knows even the number of your hair in your head ( Matthew 10:30) , so HE exactly knows what is BEST for you!

The best solution for every problem, the greatest cure for every illness, the perfect timing for everything about you, HE got it covered!

There may be pain in the process, but once we learn to submit ourselves in full trust , only then we can experience perfect restoration. Trust God when He said, " I will do good for you" ..

Just "let go" and "let GOD" .....

be free , be blessed and be happy ....

Thu, 10 Jan 2019 06:31:00 +0000

free writing...

Everyday, on my way home from work, I would always see this old woman ( barely in her late 60's) seated in a wheelchair, being cared for by a professional minder, whilst she stares at people and vehicles passing by.

Her comportment shows signs of tiredness and being subdued.

Seeing her makes me contemplate about a lot of things; what makes one happy? where does contentment in life comes from? what makes someone fulfilled and a lot lot more ....

It made me realize how time just flies so fast, how dusk is so close to dawn , how one's strength and youth would eventually fade.

That everyday scene made me think that I would want to do more, not more of achieving things, rather more on doing what makes me really happy .. i mean happiness in its truest essence.

Today, as I turned 43, I realized I wanted to climb mountains, go fishing, book for a crab hunting, spend holidays, have picnic with friends, talk to mom, my son and my sisters more often, drink coffee , rest, and sleep for longer hours.

Make videos, take photos..lots of them, keep blogging, enjoy nature tripping... yes, and enjoy while you can, enjoy while you can clearly see the beauty of nature, of love ones, of people around you..

walk, run and fly. ..enjoy while you can stand; while you have the mobility ,the energy to do so.

be free , be blessed and be happy ....

#fortythree #11january1976 #grateful #blessed #praying #inawe

finding the love i deserve...

Sun, 08 Oct 2017 08:55:00 +0000

a woman after God's own heart

Mon, 11 Sep 2017 12:13:00 +0000

Talking to my mom via Skype, she shared to me her story of how God had kept her unharmed during an accident that took place inside the church in LA.

One Sunday morning, while she was attending the church service with my eldest sister; young people from the church went running wildly after getting scared from some Halloween presentation; my mom , being old and had lost her agility due to her age, was swept and thrown away outside the church.

As she continue, she was in awe of God's divine protection upon her as she could not even recall how she was swept outside; her exact description was, it felt like some arms had carried her outside . Without any doubt, she knew that it was God who had kept her safe and sound.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself on the pavement ,surrounded by rescuers and was lifted immediately to the ambulatory van.

The following day, she was discharged from the hospital without any fracture and all medical results turned out well.

Today, as she celebrates her 77th birthday, I was reminded of how she has been using stories and testimonies such as this to minister to other people and to her children.

Her own life has been a living testimony of how God can turn your life from nothing into something beautiful.

Being a single parent, we had witnessed how she had been both emotionally & spiritually strong as she raised her 7 children; braving life's challenges , she had hold fast to her faith , the only thing that makes her hope alive.

She may not have raised us having all the comfort in this life, but bringing us to faith is something that we will be forever grateful for.

At 77, she still wakes up early and start her day with bible reading, raising her hands, sing praise songs and end up with a prayer.

At 77, she is a picture of a woman whose life is fully surrendered to God; blessed with a contented heart and a humble spirit.

At 77, I look up to her as a person whose strength is beyond her age; a mother whose words are so comforting & uplifting, a christian whose faith is unwavering.

Today, as God had blessed her with an added year in her life, we speak all the blessings that she deserve.

Mama, this blog is for you :) Know that we are grateful to God for your life. You are indeed a woman after God's own heart.

Happiest Birthday to you Mama Lydia....